Baby Albatross the Plastic Death

baby albatross has a hungry belly
parent albatross
returns back to their nest
after skimming the ocean surface for food
parent regurgitate fish and colorful plastic too
into babies mouth
the albatross family dies
the slow death of discarded
plastic convenience
maybe evolution will someday
bless the birds and amphibians
with breasts and mothers milk
when this happens the only critters
with plastic in their mouth
will be humans and their babies sucking down
nestle formula through a plastic nipple
and adult babies sucking down coffee drinks
through a plastic straw

Brandon Follett at the Flying M Coffee Garage

Performing: Let’s Play Kill Em Baby and Rolling Stone T-Shirt

Flying M Garage featuring Ex-Girlfriends Club and With Child

“Cambria, CA Loves Me, this I Know” a guide and coupon book

Laughing & learning my way through Cambria. -Robin Riker, actor/writer

“Cambria, CA Loves Me, this I Know” by Brandon Follett

The hilarious former owner of the Bridge Street Inn, Brandon Follett, has brought smiles to Central Coast adventurers through his new Cambria guide and coupon book.  His newest book delivers 48 pages of fun that includes unique coupons ranging from discounts on restaurants to bicycle rentals.  Christina Tobin, Founder and Chair of Free & Equal, says it best, “Whether it’s politics or travel…different points of view create more choices.  Brandon’s perspective will help the reader discover some of Cambria’s best kept secrets.”

“Cambria, CA Loves Me, this I Know,” is more than the typical guide book containing a map with three line descriptions.  As educators have realized, humans do not always learn the same way.  Brandon is aware that not everyone travels the same way.  For example Brandon reveals the best places in Cambria to eat beans through a conversation he has with a character named Francisco and his tupperware of black beans.  Another example of Brandon’s unique style, is how he explains the clean smells of the Cambrian air through the perspective of a nose.    Brandon’s book will have you sniffing the air, taking selfie sexy photos, and drinking wine with a goat named Chet.

“Cambria, CA Loves Me, this I Know,” takes the alternative guide book to a whole new level by including 20 business coupons.  There are 10 coupons from Cambria and 10 coupons from Morro Bay (23 miles south of Cambria on the PCH).  The coupons range from 20% off a pint of beer to rent 1 bicycle and get the 2nd rental free.  There’s a coupon for every type of adventurer who’s excited to experience Cambria and the surrounding area.

“Cambria, CA Loves Me, this I Know,” can be purchased at the following locations: Stolo Family Vineyards, Ragged Point Inn and Resort, Henry Miller Library, Top Dog Coffee Bar, Coalesce Books, Seed & Soul, Bridge Street Inn, Ball & Skein & More, and Cambria Ocean Drifters.  10% of the author’s earnings will go towards the Cambria based nonprofit, Free and Equal Elections, an organization to broaden our electoral choices through education.

To purchase a book “Cambria, CA Love, this I Know”online click on cambrialoveme.com

5 more Morro Bay coupons and 10 Cambria coupons

 

Where is my Heart

The combination
to late to change.
Smiles, laughter, a hug, a touch, you
You unlocked the door.
My heart it’s stolen
GONE.

My heart has been stolen before.
On an occasional sunny day
a long legged girl with a cherry red Revlon smile
will steal it.
Till she rounds the corner or my eyes get distracted.

There’s always the endless party
too sober to have fun
too intoxicated to drive.
A girl spinning, twirling to the Reagan era
will steal my heart.
Her drunken kiss.
My drunken boredom.
My heart always returns in the morning.

My heart never came home.

Has she put it in her tampon box
taken out once a month
after 3 weekends of sour dates?

Is it in her cigarette tin
taken out for an occasional fix?

Could it be in her underwear drawer?
Lacy, frilly, fun to touch
until a new Victoria Secret catalog comes in the mail
then tossed away?

Maybe she put it in her music box
openend at bed time
falling asleep to it every night.

I Love Pretty Boys Chasing Balls and You

I promise not to wear your make up and panties in public unless it is game day.

I think your name is beautiful but I could never wear it on a shirt.

Yes, I’m more attracted to you in a little Patriot’s jersey.  I like it when you remind me of Tom Brady.

Your wedding ring will be on my finger
but I will always wear my man’s number over my heart.

With HD Triple play costing $159.99 a month which doesn’t include the price of beer, game tickets, and sports apparel.  We are so lucky to have fallen in love.

NOTE:

How Much Public Money Does Your State Spend on NFL Football? Click HERE

Rotting Democracy

Smell that smell
coming from the White House basement.
Bush says, “It’s broken sewer line.”
But its rotting democracy.
He puts on his clown face
for the American people.

There’s a serial democracy killer on the loose.

He’ll throw fancy picnics
with a buffet of tax cuts,
war,
immigration law,
and revised medicare plans.
The consumers stuff themselves
on processed fatty government.
While the fruits,
vegetables,
nuts,
and grains
of civil liberty, environment, social medicine, and education
are nowhere to be seen.
The nation has been convinced a healthy democratic diet
consists of Krispy Creams and AppleBees.

There’s something rotting in the White House basement.
There’s a serial democracy killer on the loose.

Keeping it in the Family

Adam took a look at Eve
then took a look at god
and said,
she’s so hot and sexy
I need some womanly love

god said,
love love family love
that’s what makes
the world go a round

Adam took a look at Eve
oh yes oh yes
hey hey hoochie coochie spouse
lets get this race a started
lets go and have some fun

Eve took a look at Abel
then took a look at god
and said
I got this funny feeling
I need some sonly love

god said
sin sin sinful love
that’s what makes
the world go a round

Eve took a look at Abel
oh yes oh yes
hey hey hoochie coochie son
lets get this race
lets go and have some fun

Cain took a look at Eve
then took a look at god
and said
momma’s makes me horny
I need some motherly love

god said
sin sin sinful love
that’s what makes
the world go a round

Cain then took a look at Eve
oh yes oh yes
hey hey hoochie coochie momma
lets get this race a started
lets go and have some fun

Adam took a look at Abel
then took a look at god
and said
he’s so handsome
can men make babies too

god said
gay gay love
doesn’t make
the world go a round
it’s just weird

hey hey hoochie coochie momma
hey hey hoochie coochie daddy
hey hey hoochie coochie son
let’s get this race
a started
lets go and have some fun

Piss Poem duet performed at Centrally Grown located in Cambria, CA

Poet Brandon Follett and ASL interpreter Susan Mackey entertain at Centrally Grown.

Thank you Rita for the nice compliment!

My Armpits Smell like a Car Air Freshner (picture version)

I Need a Virus to Slow Down (picture version)