Waiting for the Rain

Our cars have so much fun
when they play in the drinking water
getting baths
that make them look shiny

Your car looks
better than you
and we’re all going thirsty
as we wait for the rain

Moon Handbook: Santa Barbara and the Central Coast discovers the musical talent of Brandon Follett

moon handbook Santa Barbara and the Central Coast

Brandon Follett moon handbook Santa Barbara and the Central Coast

It’s true! I’ll play guests a song or recite a poem at the Bridge Street Inn.  Pick up a Moon Handbook at your local bookstore or at the Moon website.

 

The Eggs Won’t Spoil and the Sperm Won’t Rot Abridged Song

Brandon Follett met Eddy Surman at the Bridge Street Inn. Eddy stopped in on his motorcycle ride down to Patagonia. While Eddy explored the Central Coast of California they started working on music. Here’s their collaboration.

Brandon Follett on vocals and lyrics
Eddy Surman on guitar

Follow Eddy’s adventures at http://eddy.adventureriders.com.au

Image

Blind Person Playing

Caution Blind Cartoon Brandon Follett

Cambria Plants the Obama Avocado Tree

Cambria Park located in Cambria Californai

Charles:  I agree there needs to be more than two lonely picnic tables at the park on Bridge Street.  Does Cambria have the budget for a tank, anti-aircraft guns or a fighter jet?  There’s nothing more thrilling than making a homemade avocado veggie sandwich next to a tank.  I pulverize the sandwich like a tank blowing up an Iraqi citizen home.  Yummmm

weapons in park tank brandon follett

 

plane

weapons in park guns brandon follett

Sally:  I take guys to parks with weapons.  I make up a little love basket consisting of wine and cheese.  I get my date all drunk underneath the anti-aircraft gun.  Weapons get the men in the mood to conquer and dominate- that’s how I like it.

Betty:  There’s not enough money in the budget to purchase fancy killing machines like tanks or anti-aircraft guns.  Maybe Cambrians can rally around a project where the community will donate knives, guns, and lead pipes.  Granted, these weapons aren’t as glamorous as a tank that can obliterate a hospital or a fighter jet that can light a village and forest on fire with napalm.   As seen by the Sandy Hook Mass murder the proper hand held weapon can sure leave a lot of people dead!!!!! Bang Bang Slash Slash Thump Thump.

The crowd cheers. Hands point finger guns at each other.  Arms make thumping and slashing motions.

Jim:  I love the idea of guns, knives, and lead pipes in the park.  Except the Cambria budget can’t afford the orange cones and yellow tape to make the area safe.  What if a person trips over a lead pipe in the park?  That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.

general sherman tree sequoia national park

Jack:  Okay Okay at this time physical weapons do not seem like a viable option.  Why don’t we plant a tree named after a violent person.  For example the largest tree in the world goes by the name General Sherman, found in the National Sequoia Park.  General William Tecumseh Sherman fought theAmericans in the south.  He is credited with the scorched Earth policy that is used today in such places as Darfur.

This wonderfully violent man also had a tank named after him called the M4 Sherman.  This version of the General killed plenty of Germans and Japanese.

The crowd, “Hurray for the General!”

charles manson fanclub

Bob raises his hand,  “I think we should plant a tree named after Charlie Manson.  He’s a relevant killer who still lives in California.”

Karen: “I have been a huge fan since 1969.  I respect Mr. Manson’s style of leadership, music and his commitment to fans.  He mails a hand written response to every fan letter.  However I think I speak for the majority of Cambrians when I tell you we should only glorify legalized murder.”

The crowd cheers and yells, “Legalized Murder!”

Karen:  “I nominate President Obama.  He has set a new standard for legalized murder.  He bombs and kills civilians with out declaring war.  He assassinated four US citizens,  one under the age of 18.  I’m surprised there are not more trees named after him.  Grab your shovels, kitchen compost and worm castings!!!!!  Who’s ready to do a little gardening?”

The crowd cheers unanimously, “Let’s garden!!!!”.

Later that afternoon the Cambrian citizens look lovingly at the new President Obama avocado tree.  The avocado tree was chosen in honor of Michelle Obama’s commitment to healthy living through food.

The Cambrian Obama Avocado Tree does not bring in as many tourists as the General Sherman or help children develop climbing skills and nurture their imagination like a tank does.  However, all the harvested avocados are donated to families in the Head Start program.

Avocado-Trees

 

Naturally Ridiculous but Humanly TRUE

Lovro67

I don’t like the sound of birds singing over head
I like sky scrapers that block out the sun
I don’t like green belts and smiling families

I don’t like art that looks hand made
I like music that’s sexy and young
I don’t like happiness when it’s free

I don’t like meat that looks like animals
I like fruit that comes in an easy to open can
I don’t like Saturday markets that take up parking

I don’t like rivers that possibly will flood my house
I like nature locked up in a cage
I don’t like trees that make me sneeze and blow my nose

The Rest Home

It’s sad when your heart’s broken
and you can’t say goodbye.
It’s sad when the only thing the doctor
will let you do
is cry.

It’s sad when the state laws
finally say okay
and now you’re too exhausted
to wear a smile
to say goodbye.

 

Eggs Won’t Spoil and Sperm Won’t Rot Abridged

creepy baby

your food doesn’t rot
your sperm doesn’t die
your eggs don’t spoil
your breasts won’t sag
your 85 year old medicated penis acts 21
and your smile never turns to sad
everything is not all right

Always new beginnings
Everything always ending
this is the way
life’s supposed to
be

Brandon Follett performs at the Poetry Church in San Luis Obispo

Thank You Dennis!!!!!!poetry church san luis obispo

featuring the music of:C.j. Boyd(road, USA)
http://cjboyd.bandcamp.com/album/aerial-roots!Mindparade(Bloomington, IN)
http://mindparade.bandcamp.com/album/everything-is-happeningSamaniega(Bloomington, IN)
http://jenniferburch.bandcamp.com/album/victoria-epU.s. Ghostal service(San Luis Obispo, CA)
https://densraypowelljunyor.bandcamp.com/album/the-everything-hat

featuring the spoken word/poetry of:

Leslie St. John(San Luis Obispo, CA)
http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/lstjohn/2012/05/art-school-model/
http://linebreak.org/poems/climbing-the-air/

Linda Camplese(Nipomo, CA)

Brandon FollettCambria, CA)
http://earthwormenvy.wordpress.com/

John Reid(Atascadero, CA)

please do bring a few bucks to support and honor the traveling musicians/poets.

once upon a time, C.j. Boyd passed through San Luis Obispo. C.j. was a magical road-warrior wizard of sound. Poetry Church Ministries heard about this and along with Anahata LovelyDay KiaWind brainstormed and realized that they should have a Poetry Church at Smiling Dog Yoga. It was then realized that the good friend and co-founder of U.S. Ghostal Service (also performing), Prince Thomas(performing as !Mindparade) was passing through California at the very same time as all of this so everything began to fall into a lovely place. Prince Thomas(aka Alex Arnold) was traveling with his partner and fellow performer Jennifer Samaniego Burch who also was quickly slated to perform at the church. Poetry Church then realized that the musical ingredients for the Poetry Church were in abundance and yet the POETRY itself(in its natural, silence-surfing form) was lacking so a fervent petition was made to the preternaturally silver-tongued Leslie St.John to share her poetry with the fellowship. Then the poetic services of one John Reid, a mad max of duneite poetry, were requested, as well as the disheveled hilarity of the poetry of Brandon Follett. Following a breakthrough poetry performance at the Wise Owl in Cambria, CA, the final ingredient of one Monalisa Maione(aka the one and only dynamo Linda Camplese) was added to the poetry church brew and then the potion cooked and cooked. C.J. Boyd was somewhere out there, rambling the coast hither and thither, bass lines in his eyes. Poetry Church quivered in anticipation and a hundred thousand kundalini snakes set their modes to rattle.

p.s. please come in a yummy kind of mood and attire for there will be much opportunity to dance, stretch and play in a ceremony such as this. bring a donation to support the traveling performers if you can. all are welcome, regardless. : )

Eggs Won’t Spoil and Sperm Won’t Rot

turkey baster

Not so long ago
before prenatal vitamins,
turkey basters,
and petri dishes
the birds and the bees
the mommies and the daddies
needed clean air
healthy trees
clear water
and
vibrant soil
to make babies
along with a pinch
of horniness

When the ingredients
didn’t work
no worries
their bodies rotted
back into the ground
and the baby making
process
starts over again

Mmmmmmmmmmm
salmon baked with garlic,
olive oil,
basil, and lemon juice
an herb arugula salad
glass of red wine
next to the wood stove
in a log cabin
overlooking a mountain lake
oh yes
and a pinch of horniness.

Baby making moments
created by
earthworms,
rainforests,
goat poop,
glaciers
and dandelions
now harvested from mother earth
by the diseased, aged, cancered and impotent
to keep sperm from rotting
to keep eggs from spoiling
to create a stylish Martha Stewartish
air conditioned reception area
for cozy People magazine reading
while the fertility specialist
keeps the baby making
waiting.

After the credit card transaction has cleared
little test tube baby
comes home
feels loved
falls asleep
in a plastic cage
Momma
holds baby up
to her fatty breast.
the baby latches on
slurps in the paint thinner
toilet deodorizer
cosmetic additives.
When baby is full
Dad draws a bath
and lays it in
warm gassy fracked water.
When baby is clean
Momma will lean down
with fast food breath
leaving red animal tested
kisses