“Cambria Doesn’t Stink” says my Nose

unhappy stressed out nose

Dear Brandon,

I have an unhappy nose. It has become resentful of the rest of my body. My nose recently pointed out over the last several years:

-my legs hiked the Pacific Crest Trail.
-my eyes got to see works of art at the Louvre Museum in Paris.
-my brain went to the Smithsonian in Washington DC.
-my belly and tongue tasted the Portland, OR food truck scene.
-my arms and chest went on a sea kayaking trip in the San Juan Islands.
-my heart went on a weekend date to Atlanta, ID.
-my toes regularly go to the beach.
-several times a month my fingers go to the petting zoo and recieve a manicure.

Physically the jealousy has manifested itself into stress. Besides my nose being unhappy it’s now ugly. Covered in blackheads. I have promised my nose a vacation. Please help me by answering a few questions.
-Does the BSI use cleaning products with misleading smells that might confuse my nose by making it think it’s in a rainforest?
-Does Cambria have oil refineries, pulp mills, 8 lane freeways, and feedlots?
-Do the ally’s in Cambria smell like piss similar to SF’s ally’s?

Thanks in Advance,

Francisco De Lovely

Hello Francisco,

No, to all the above.  I too forgot I had a nose. One day I had no inspiration. I went to Moonstone Beach to sit in solitude and listen to the small voice found in my heart. That afternoon on the beach my heart whispered nothing profound. However my nose breathed in the smells of Cambria and sniffled out this song. Below are the lyrics and a recording of the song. I now follow my nose instead of my heart.

See you soon,

Brandon

What’s that You Say Nose?

What’s that you say nose?
It might not be good
to live, eat, drink and fuck
by that fuckin smell.

Little baby isn’t cute who wears a smelly diaper.
Hot woman with inflamed tonsils has a smelly kiss.
The man with gangrene has a stinky leg.
Spoiled milk has a pungent smell.
The smell of moldy lentils makes me want to hurl.
My nose has taught me
to stay away from these bad smells.

What’s that you say nose?
It might not be good
to live, eat, drink and fuck
by that fuckin smell.

Cigarettes are smelly.
Agro business is smelly.
Polluted rivers are smelly.
Cheap perfume tested on animals is smelly.
Bombs and blood are smelly.
Growing up I was told my nose has smelled wrong.
They say breathe in the smell of progress.

What’s that you say nose?
It might not be good
to live, eat, drink and fuck
by that fuckin smell.

I Love the Dirt at the Fiscalini Ranch Preserve

One of the many stunning views at the Fiscalini Ranch Preserve.

My love for dirt started at a young age.

When I was two my parents moved from the paved environment of the Bay Area to the rural lands of Boise, Idaho. An acre of dirt made their eyes grow large, much like a kid at a candy store. Yet unfortunately too much candy can cause a bellyache. Finding the balance between raising a family, working 9 to 5, and managing a plot of dirt was tricky; Something had to give. Luckily the strong bonds that had developed (from what I assume is child birth and breast feeding) could not be broken.
They decided dirt had to go. My family moved into a less “dirt-y” environment: Suburbia.

And despite the move my family still loved dirt. Whenever there was extra money burning in our pockets we spent it on dirt. We became weekend dirt warriors. For as many weekends as possible we eagerly traipsed on dirt for family events & relaxation. The dirt around Stanley, McCall, & Cascade, Idaho became our home away from home.

Even the annual family vacations became dirt-focused. During one of my favorite vacations we explored the dirt between Boise, Idaho & deep British Columbia. There we discovered that Canadians harbor a well-kept secret; their abundance of beautiful dirt.
They call their dirt the Canadian Rockies.

As an adult I still love dirt.

For example, when I was living in Girdwood, Alaska I kept pet worms.  Sometimes people would blindly say, “Your pet worms are more boring than a hibernating turtle.”

My response? “I love dirt.”  Plain & simple.

Here are a couple of links to a few of my favorite dirt adventures:

Yum Yum Colostrum:  A Volunteer Experience at Coonridge Orginic Goat Dairy

Atlanta, Idaho Bicycle Journey

Highwway 26 the Bicycle Tour from Boise, ID to Portland, OR

One of the (many) reasons I live at the Bridge Street Inn is for its bountiful, beautiful dirt. In front of the Inn there’s a white picket fence not to keep in the 2 1/2 kids, control the growing herbs or fence in the dog but to keep out the pavement.

Just three blocks from the BSI are some winding dirt trails that lead to the edge of North America’s western shore.  It’s a great opportunity to see the blooming milk thistle or listen to the birds chirp.

Cambria, California has an amazing section of dirt to explore called the Fiscalini Ranch Preserve.  Click on the link to view photos and trail maps:
http://bridgestreetinn.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/i-love-the-dirt-at-the-fiscalini-ranch-preserve/

I Need a Virus to Slow Down

The Pacific Coast Highway and Main Street in Cambria are a never ending source of creative inspiration.

I Need A Virus To Slow Down
 -Inspired by the flowers smack-dab in the middle of Main Street-

To make a road safer
You don’t -
Widen
Install
Repave
Repaint.

You fuck up the road!

With -
Potholes
Rocks
Planter boxes
Grazing deer.

These obstacles
slow a vehicle
down to a safe crawl.

When a relationship
moves too fast,

Sometimes I need
a snotty nose
to slow down
the Lovin’.

A good virus
to produce
Some chunky phlegm
To dribble down the lip.

Something a
condom can’t protect against.

Something to press down upon
the horny brakes.

A pause to make me ask,
“Am I really in love?”

Harold Black Bean Vacations at The Bridge Street Inn

The other day I received an e-mail from Francisco De Lovely inquiring about where he can eat a delicious black bean meal. He writes:

Dear Brandon,

I’m coming to Cambria to vacation with my last two tupperware containers of black beans. I have enjoyed a blissful 6 months with my 25lbs bag of black beans. I named my friend Harold Black Bean. I’ll be arriving at The Bridge Street Inn around dinner time. I’m excited to use your famous cast iron collection to cook up Harold. I also have a special Harold breakfast planned. I’m concerned about the 10:30AM to 5PM lock out. Can you recommend a local favorite restaurant where I might enjoy some of Harold Black Beans relatives?

Thank you,

Francisco and Harold Black Bean

Harold Black Bean likes to go to the beach.

I write back.

Hello Francisco and Harold Black Bean,

Myself and guest, Melissa, recently went on a black bean bonanza. To answer your question we went to lunch at Sebastian’s Store and Cafe located 9.1 miles North of Cambria off of Highway 1 near Hearst Castle. Their black bean burger is EPIC!!!! That evening we made a black bean pizza followed by Heavous Rancheros for breakfast. Hope you enjoy the black bean bonanza photo blog.

See you soon,

Brandon

I recommend the black bean burger at Sebastian’s General Store & Cafe in Old San Simeon Village

Black bean burgers at Sebastian's are so large that we probably ate all of Harolds' cousins.

The surrounding area around Sebastian’s provides plenty of different places to digest black beans.

Melissa digests her black beans along the coast.

Brandon digests his black beans in a tree.

After digesting the black bean burger Melissa and I are ready for the black bean pizza dinner.   The below black bean pizza is similar to the lentil pizza that appeared in the blog post My Underwear Matches my Pizza.  Here’s a link to view a description of the black bean pizza toppings.  http://bridgestreetinn.wordpress.com/2012/02/07/my-underwear-matches-my-pizza-at-the-bridge-street-inn/

Brandon gets ready to enjoy his second black bean meal.

Melissa and I had to take a break from the black bean.  We didn’t eat black beans till breakfast.  I dreamed of black beans.

huevos rancheros: black beans, scrambled eggs, cheese, tortilla, veggie chorizo, green sauce.

Melissa gets ready to enjoy her 3rd black bean meal in a row.

Here are a couple of nutritional links about Harold Black Bean.
http://www.livestrong.com/article/238506-black-bean-nutritional-facts/
http://nutritiondata.self.com/facts/legumes-and-legume-products/4284/2

Sexual Biology: Men will spend the first 10 seconds looking at your mouth!

click on image to make bigger

Learn more about make up and sexual biology on the City Lips blog.  Check out this article entitled
Men Will Spend The First Ten Seconds Looking At Your Mouth!

Mechanistic Lover part 3: The Rewards of Fast, Disposable, Convenient Culture

A Brandon Follett and Bob Neal collaberation

A Brandon Follett and Bob Neal collaberation

Mechanistic Lover Part 3
The Rewards of an of a Fast, Disposable, Convenient Culture
previously published in The Arbiter

The microwave has nuked
my sex life.

Always thought
I could keep my eating habits
separate from my love making.

Veronica started to throw out comments like
“Aaron you treat me like a piece of meat.”
I’m a herbivore.
It didn’t dawn on me
that I really treated her
like a veggie TV dinner
until it was too late.

Our bedroom troubles began
when I bought a microwave.
Out went the homemade pizza.
Out went the sex.

Only after, she left me
I realized
how much I begun to mimic
the rewards of a fast, disposable, convenient culture.

I noticed:
I didn’t kneed the dough.
I didn’t gently wash the tomatoes.
I didn’t spread the creamy garlic sauce
and mozzarella cheese
from side to side
top to bottom.
I didn’t wait for the oven to heat up.

Eating has become gorging.
Sex has become fucking.

After another Veronica comment
I heard myself saying,
“However, I’m sure you’ll agree
doesn’t my penis feel good
like the feel good taste
of an instant Tony’s Pizza?”

She did not agree!

So I traded in Veronica
and all the things my 5 senses
cherished most about our sex:
sweet moans, tasty kisses, gentle touch,
sex smell, and visual curves
for a world of me me me

fast food,
convenient rest homes
disposable plates
fast orgasm
convenient internet dating
disposable cameras
fast cooking
convenient child care
disposable friends
fast sex
convenient microwave
disposable Tony’s Pizza.

fast
convenient
disposable

I’m now married to instant gratification.

Vegetarian Pizza Recipe:

THE DOUGH
1 cup of warm water
1 tablespoon of active-dry yeast
1 teaspoon of salt
1 teaspoon of sugar
Let it sit approximately 5 minutes
Add 1 tablespoon of olive oil
Mix well
Add 2 cups of flour
Work the dough with your hands and add  half to 1 cup more flour.
The dough should be easy to handle and little bit sticky.
Spread the dough on lightly buttered cookie sheet.

The SAUCE:
Olive oil infused with garlic, red pepper flakes, and basil.

The TOPPINGS:
Tomato, basil, garlic, red onion, mushrooms, pine nuts, mozzarella cheese

My Underwear Matches my Pizza at The Bridge Street Inn

Cast Iron Lentil Pizza: lentils, red peppers, arugula, cream cheese, salsa verde, mozzarella cheese, tapatio

Lentil Pizza with featured vegetable arugula ready to serve.

Fransico De Lovely sits in the kitchen on a stool. He intently watches me make this evenings dinner, a lentil arugula pizza.

Fransico, “Did you know I’m wearing my arugula green underwear? My underwear matches the arugula your putting on the pizza.”

Brandon, “No, I didn’t know that about your underwear.”

Fransico, “I like underwear and veggie shopping at the same time. That’s why I go to Walmart and Target. I make a game out of it. I pick out veggies first then select underwear to match the veggie color.

Example:
Beets = purple briefs
Carrots = orange briefs
Iceberg Lettuce = white briefs
Arugula = green briefs

Where do you buy your veggies?”

Brandon, “The year round Friday Farmers Market in Cambria! The best place for a Bridge Street Inn guest to buy local veggies.”

Fransico, “Today is Friday! Let’s go underwear veggie shopping.”

Brandon, “Oh Fransico, I have some disappointing news. The farmers market doesn’t sell underwear or lingerie. The closest box store is located 24 miles away.”

Fransico has a sad look on his face.

Brandon, “I have a fun idea. Instead of matching your underwear to veggies let’s get creative. Grab several pairs of preferably clean underwear, to make the matching easy, and we’ll color cordinate underwear to veggies. Now that sounds like a good way to pass an afternoon under the blue skies of Cambria.”

Brandon and Fransico head to the farmers market.

"Those tomatoes looks so delicious but I don't have yellow underwear!" exclaims Fransico!

Purple beets kind of match these undies.

Chickens at The Bridge Street Inn inspire Art

Egg paying guests

The longest staying guests at The Bridge Street Inn are in need of a new home. These laying hens will exchange eggs for room and board. They also might do for your inner artist what Pablo Picasso mistresses did for him.

Pablo Picasso painting of Marie Therese

Quote from a potential chicken adopter Fransico De Lovely, “I’m a starving artist looking for inspiration. I adore Picasso. A beautiful mistress, pen, and paper sounds like a recipe for a potential art love baby. Yikes! I like to draw chickens because they are affordable subjects and I’m not attracted to them.”

Here are couple of pieces The Bridge Street Inn chickens have inspired.

I love to feed chickens because they feed my inner artist

"If I do draw people they must look like chickens." Fransico De Lovely

Non Live Food Network Preparation at The Bridge Street Inn

I have never been one to pay a cable provider money so that I can watch a stranger prepare food while I sit in my lazy boy chair. Tonight however I find myself joining the millions of sedentary people who are entertained by food preparation in their home.

For this evenings entertainment the bicycle riding French family took over The Bridge Street Inn kitchen. They had pedaled 52 miles from Big Sur to Cambria. Despite being tired from their long day they perform in the kitchen like a well rehearsed TV cooking show. I am thoroughly entertained by the airy sounds of the French language, the smells of spices simmering in a soup and am drawn into the details of the food adventure they are creating.

I can now join in the water cooler conversation, “No, I didn’t see that episode of Rachel Ray but I did sit down to watch the French Family make squash soup. Oh good cooking question. The 3 women were wearing biker type pants/shorts and the man was wearing regular loose fitting pants.”

What’s chef Rachel Ray wearing? CLICK HERE

The French family are making me laugh

It would have been nice to hear the nutmeg scraping in surround sound

I ask the French Family, "when I press my thumb against this wooden spoon and point it at you, will you stir fast as if you were a TV show?"

The French Family found a bag full artichokes near highway 1

yogurt artichoke dip with thyme, dill, cumin, and celery seed

Already star struck to my surprise the French Family invited me to join them for dinner

The Dear Rabbit show a SUCCESS at The Bridge Street Inn

The community of Cambria and the guests at The Bridge Street Inn enthusiastically turned out for the hour and half show. Here are some of the highlights from concert.

http://dearrabbit.bandcamp.com/

http://www.facebook.com/dearrabbitsongs

http://veronicaandthementalforeplays.bandcamp.com/album/no-room-for-growth

http://www.weirdosmusic.com/

If you are a performer of the arts and think The Bridge Street Inn would be a good venue for your show contact me at bridgestreetinn@yahoo.com.