Charles: I agree there needs to be more than two lonely picnic tables at the park on Bridge Street. Does Cambria have the budget for a tank, anti-aircraft guns or a fighter jet? There’s nothing more thrilling than making a homemade avocado veggie sandwich next to a tank. I pulverize the sandwich like a tank blowing up an Iraqi citizen home. Yummmm
Sally: I take guys to parks with weapons. I make up a little love basket consisting of wine and cheese. I get my date all drunk underneath the anti-aircraft gun. Weapons get the men in the mood to conquer and dominate- that’s how I like it.
Betty: There’s not enough money in the budget to purchase fancy killing machines like tanks or anti-aircraft guns. Maybe Cambrians can rally around a project where the community will donate knives, guns, and lead pipes. Granted, these weapons aren’t as glamorous as a tank that can obliterate a hospital or a fighter jet that can light a village and forest on fire with napalm. As seen by the Sandy Hook Mass murder the proper hand held weapon can sure leave a lot of people dead!!!!! Bang Bang Slash Slash Thump Thump.
The crowd cheers. Hands point finger guns at each other. Arms make thumping and slashing motions.
Jim: I love the idea of guns, knives, and lead pipes in the park. Except the Cambria budget can’t afford the orange cones and yellow tape to make the area safe. What if a person trips over a lead pipe in the park? That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Jack: Okay Okay at this time physical weapons do not seem like a viable option. Why don’t we plant a tree named after a violent person. For example the largest tree in the world goes by the name General Sherman, found in the National Sequoia Park. General William Tecumseh Sherman fought theAmericans in the south. He is credited with the scorched Earth policy that is used today in such places as Darfur.
This wonderfully violent man also had a tank named after him called the M4 Sherman. This version of the General killed plenty of Germans and Japanese.
The crowd, “Hurray for the General!”
Bob raises his hand, “I think we should plant a tree named after Charlie Manson. He’s a relevant killer who still lives in California.”
Karen: “I have been a huge fan since 1969. I respect Mr. Manson’s style of leadership, music and his commitment to fans. He mails a hand written response to every fan letter. However I think I speak for the majority of Cambrians when I tell you we should only glorify legalized murder.”
The crowd cheers and yells, “Legalized Murder!”
Karen: “I nominate President Obama. He has set a new standard for legalized murder. He bombs and kills civilians with out declaring war. He assassinated four US citizens, one under the age of 18. I’m surprised there are not more trees named after him. Grab your shovels, kitchen compost and worm castings!!!!! Who’s ready to do a little gardening?”
The crowd cheers unanimously, “Let’s garden!!!!”.
Later that afternoon the Cambrian citizens look lovingly at the new President Obama avocado tree. The avocado tree was chosen in honor of Michelle Obama’s commitment to healthy living through food.
The Cambrian Obama Avocado Tree does not bring in as many tourists as the General Sherman or help children develop climbing skills and nurture their imagination like a tank does. However, all the harvested avocados are donated to families in the Head Start program.