I quickly make my way around the parked cars and through the Alaskan winter COLD day to enter the Middle Way Cafe. As the door opens, I am hit by a gust of warm air and greeted by cleavage, bare arms, fancy shoes and poofy hair. If I had walked into a strip poker game, I could have easily won. As a public transit commuter, I don’t even try to fashionably survive the harsh Anchorage city streets. Layers are the only thing that separate a person from freezing to death on a bus stop bench.
I sit at a table next to a clean-shaven man with a fab hair do. He wears designer blue jeans, a brand new vintage Metallica Justice for All t-shirt, and neatly folded by his side, a Navy blue pea coat. While I shed my different layers, he looks at me with a weird expression and sniffs the air, probably assuming my last layer will reveal a stained and stinky pair of sweats.
To break the odd moment, I ask, “How do you maintain your mod good looks in the below freezing weather?”
He acts annoyed but must have been raised to be polite, so he painstakingly answers: “I am used to living in the extremes. Before living in Anchorage, I lived in Las Vegas. It’s not about seal fur or loin cloths. It’s all about climate control. Heaters, air-conditioners, electricity and gas. When relocating to Anchorage, I bought a home with an attached garage. The route to work has several drive through coffee stands, drive through banking, drive through fast food joints, and my work offers underground parking.
Here’s the truth, I like to wake up looking like Paul McCartney from 1965 and go to bed looking like Paul McCartney from 1965. I also like to get drunk and sing Love Me Do at karaoke bars.”
I tell the man thank you for the advice and next time I relocate I will keep driving routes in mind.
The mod man continues, “Hey, sorry for being rude when you sat down. I usually only see the Paul McCartney 1969 look at Wal-Mart.
That place scares me. Just to give you a heads up so you’re not disappointed, the Middle Way Cafe does not serve omelets with canned mushrooms or American cheese. When was the last time you had spinach that wasn’t in a hot pocket?”
I ignore the last comment and order the Shepherd’s Omelet.
The omelet makes a person forget about their Alaskan winter layers and brings about fond memories of a dairy goat named Xagon leading her goat cheese apprentice through a warm New Mexican desert.