Beware of Girdwood’s Blueberry Worm

blueberry bush along bike path in Girdwood, Alaska

The blueberries are looking delicious on the bike path to Alyeska Resort. The neighbor suggests I soak the blueberries in water to remove the worms. I have eaten a lot of blueberries raw and haven’t gotten any worms. Either I lucked out and don’t have a belly full of worms or the worms don’t like my latest diet of black beans and cheese. Do any of you have the blueberry worms?

Check out the Alyeska Resort Blueberry Mountain Art and Music Festival

Here is a poem I wrote about Jack, The Modern Latter Day Saint. He is not a blueberry worm but a tape worm. I hope you get hungry and feed your inner worm.

Jack the Tapeworm A Modern Latter Day Saint

Night-light turned on.
The overhead light turned off.
Veronica crawls in
between two sheets.

She dreams
Ronald McDonald squirts
ketchup and mustard
between her beefy buns.

Suddenly she’s awakened
by a Knock Knock.
Perched on her chest
a tiny worm.
A stern voice
accentuated by a stern look
“Hello, I’m Jack the Tapeworm
a modern latter day saint.
Your fantasy for a man
dressed in a clown suit
and appetite for dead animals
has brought me here tonight.
These lustful desires
have cast a dark shadow
over your vegetarian upbringing.
Your diet
and subconscious
do not reflect
the two truths of herbivores:
do unto others as they would
do unto you
karma comes back around.

You have a choice
repent or face a life of damnation.
If you repent
you will meet a man who will
smother your sex with grapes, strawberries, and cherries.
If you choose a life of damnation
assume your physical fantasies
will only be found
in an internet chat room.
As far as the environment goes,
you’ll become a self imposed
obese statistic
who takes up precious space.”

Veronica starts to sob,
“Oh Jack! Oh Jack!
What must I do
to absolve my godless transgressions?”

The little tapeworm
in a now
pleasant voice replies,
“Swallow me whole
I’ll make your body miserable
feeding off your meat
like the cow made into a
sinfully slaughtered slab.”

And she swallows him whole.

When Veronica’s mind
has gone mad
in visions of love for body and life
Jack crawls out
of her frazzled body.

He slowly makes his way
to her chest.
Knock Knock.
In that still pleasant but weaker voice
he speaks,
“I’m ready to die
you’ve seen the right light.
Remember if your man’s expression
is expressed in mayo and Heinz
these condiments will literally
smother your heart.
Remember a man’s dollar
never amounts to a mass produced life.
only create a
compliment to strife.”
Jack the Tapeworm
a modern latter day saint
takes in one last gasp
of air
to finish his thought.
“Life is cyclical
please make me happy.
I want to be reborn
in newfound beauty.”

And she swallows him whole.

4 responses to “Beware of Girdwood’s Blueberry Worm

  1. I soak my blueberries from Juneau, Alaska in salt water for about an hour to remove the worms. I am tapeworm free!

  2. We went blueberry picking last weekend at Alyeska Resort – and yes I found a few worms! I tried to look for the ‘extra hole’ in which they burrow into, but even after freezing them, I found a couple that made it past my inspection. Although gross, are they okay to eat? We did make a blueberry crisp with unfrozen berries, so we may have eaten a few cooked ones…

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