I glance up at a woman who sits down at the table next to us. She has a look that could easy blend into any line at the grocery store, pass through airport security, and possibly teach a Sunday school. I smile at her and return to the joys of my South Pine Cafe Omelet.
This particular omelet delights my palette with mushrooms, spinach, red onions, corn salsa, jack cheese topped with red/green pesto. Despite the delicious taste of the pesto my eyes keep looking at the woman. What about her holds my attention. She has a middle class put together appearance. It not like she’s is wearing a midwestern militia patch. She laughs and engages in friendly banter. Then my eyes become fixated on the stack of napkins by her plate.
That’s it the napkins! How odd for a person who looks so well adjusted to need such a huge pile of napkins. Obviously she’s on a date with her life skills coach mastering the technique of public breakfast edict.
I whisper to Jackie, “Check out the pile of napkins. A stack that large requires a big mess. Watch out at any moment she may start pouring ketchup all over her face or hurl bits of omelet at the other tables.” As I say this I pretend to hide behind Jackie’s back dodging chunks of egg.
Jackie laughs, “I guess we’ll see. Did you know my mouth to hand eye coordination is so advanced that I wager I only need to use a half a napkin from start to finish?”
I didn’t make the wager. Jackie is so clean that she can go four days without taking a shower.
6 cups of coffee, 2 clean plates and a half used napkin later the woman across from us finishes without incident. She takes the pile of napkins and tosses them on her plate. To my disappoint I look at Jackie, “Let’s go. That was anticlimactic. I don’t understand why the woman across from us tries to pass her self off as mentally challenged?”
That afternoon as I sit naked with my toes in the Yuba River and reflect upon the pile of napkins. I wonder how much of the environment is destroyed out of fear and paranoia of a ketchup dribble. Why don’t people simply use a napkin as they dribble. One napkin at a time? Does the madness end with the napkin? What about sanitary napkins? What about adult incontence pads? 7% of landfill waste is attributed to adult diapers.
It saddens me to observe the woman at the restaurant toss perfectly good napkins but it disturbs me more to think she might daily put on a precautionary adult diaper then throws it away because she’s afraid some poo might dribble out of her ass onto her pants.
Click on this link to learn more about adult diapers and how worms can eat a diaper.